I hate this ability women have of "putting everything in the same bag" and finding a way of making it "align" somehow...
Today, I'm feeling homesick. The fact that the girls are not home gives me even more time to think about anything...
Last Friday, I succeeded my expectations in a test and of course told my family because everybody knows when me or my cousins have any test...So, I'm sure everyone was waiting to hear. My sister told me she called my grandma and she got emotional on the phone and told her she always prayed for me and she was so happy I was doing all this...I skyped with her later and she told me how smart I was and all these things (I don't know why my family thinks I'm so smart...I think they have selective memory)....
This weekend, my friends had a friend over and also talked about having frieds over. My frieds can't come over that often.
I also talked to one of my dearest friends in Argentina yesterday...
All these "aligned" and I'm a little home sick now...
Friends and Family are such an important piece of the life puzzle.
It's hard to see all the things my friends go through and I'm not there with them. On the bright side, my relationship with my family is great...We talk everyday but short doses :). It's still hard not to be physically "there".
I have great Friends here and I have 100% made Salida my home from the beginning. I think moving so much has made me highly adaptable and positive about the resources available. And Salida is gorgeous...Colorado is one of the most beautiful places I've been, and I'm extremely lucky to live here. I wake up to mountains everyday.
And being away from my family and friends is all part of growing up, finding our paths, our place in the world, following our dreams...Life brings us closer and further sometimes...
Today, I'm a little homesick.
Homesick is not a feeling I ever have. Specially now that I am a happy divorced woman. I definitely know I have not been homesick in this last year and a half...
This whole aligning thing is one more thing that is wrong with us, the pretty sex.
OK, I better get back to cleaning and homework if I want to be a successful international lawyer 100 years from now, and go visit my family on long weekends :P
Have a great starred night.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
The Great Wall of Catalina
My name is Catalina and I have a problem. It was brought to my attention this week that I have a very negative image of men and dating.
After I gave a long bitter speech at my friends' house about how we should ask the questions that really matter to us in the first dates...If it's important how much someone makes or in what side of the bed they sleep, or whatever you might consider important, I think it should be talked about in the beginning. So you know if they are any deal breakers that you need to be aware of (at least). Not when you are head over heels and moved in with someone, when you make it not matter...Anyways, my friend Clint looks at me with a "what is wrong with you look" he sometimes has and tells me he doesn't understand how can I be so mad at men and dating....it's not like I've done many of those (he didn't say that part).
It got me thinking that it's true and I wasn't very sure why. I'm sure part of it might be fear of rejection.
I don't think I am scared of falling in love per se, I don't even think I am scared of getting my heart broken.
I believe the biggest part is I am very scared of myself in love, I do not have a history of making good decisions while in love (aka dropping out of Law school and moving to the North Hemisphere, last time I was in love of a guy I barely knew)...And I have too many plans and kids. I could be screwing up a lot.
I didn't think I had walls because I am very emotionally open and very honest. I've realized how cynical I am this days. Cynicism can be a wall too. A pretty thick one. Even if it makes people laugh. I need to work on that.
I hope some day I can figure myself out a bit more...not fair to ask people to see through that and hang on enough to calm down and be normal...If it's even possible.
Have a great weekend!
After I gave a long bitter speech at my friends' house about how we should ask the questions that really matter to us in the first dates...If it's important how much someone makes or in what side of the bed they sleep, or whatever you might consider important, I think it should be talked about in the beginning. So you know if they are any deal breakers that you need to be aware of (at least). Not when you are head over heels and moved in with someone, when you make it not matter...Anyways, my friend Clint looks at me with a "what is wrong with you look" he sometimes has and tells me he doesn't understand how can I be so mad at men and dating....it's not like I've done many of those (he didn't say that part).
It got me thinking that it's true and I wasn't very sure why. I'm sure part of it might be fear of rejection.
I don't think I am scared of falling in love per se, I don't even think I am scared of getting my heart broken.
I believe the biggest part is I am very scared of myself in love, I do not have a history of making good decisions while in love (aka dropping out of Law school and moving to the North Hemisphere, last time I was in love of a guy I barely knew)...And I have too many plans and kids. I could be screwing up a lot.
I didn't think I had walls because I am very emotionally open and very honest. I've realized how cynical I am this days. Cynicism can be a wall too. A pretty thick one. Even if it makes people laugh. I need to work on that.
I hope some day I can figure myself out a bit more...not fair to ask people to see through that and hang on enough to calm down and be normal...If it's even possible.
Have a great weekend!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Are we there yet???
All my life I've concentrated on the future...I'm a planner.... I don't remember a time in my life (other than being married which was a disaster) when I didn't have a 10 year plan...
I think I was about 9 or 10 when I picked Law School and a masters in International Affairs...I picked schools a few years later...I'm that crazy...
When I was a child, I don't remember playing or getting dirty much...I was too anxious to grow up.
I'm very thankful my children have taught me how to play and my divorce have showed me to be so happy now.
I also find perfection in so many moments in my day...I don't recognize myself sometimes...This is not the little girl who was so worried about the future that couldn't live the present...
Don't get me wrong, I have a plan. I think I just need one...I need to know where I'm going, and that I'll be doing great things with my life...But I am learning to enjoy the ride...
I have recently realized (everyone else already knew this) that I have a hard time relaxing for a "normal" period of time...I started a bath for the first time since I moved here (4 years ago), and opened my bath salts which didn't smell any more...That's when I realize that I had a problem...I layed in the hot water reading my English Composition book (I know...I can't help myself from being productive at all times), and eventually I got out. When I looked at the clock, it had only been 20 min...I was disappointed at myself for not being able to relax.
Having 7 years of school ahead it's a little overwhelming and stressful at times...I love being in school. I am an absolutely nerd...I love knowledge...I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to little silly details (ask my friends about all the useless information I provide daily)...
I get anxious about being in Law School and getting the kind of debate I crave so much but it's going to be a while until then...I need to "take a chill pill" and calm down...There are so many great things that happen everyday and will happen between now and then....
I have to stop listening to my "old me" asking..."ARE WE THERE YET?"
I think I was about 9 or 10 when I picked Law School and a masters in International Affairs...I picked schools a few years later...I'm that crazy...
When I was a child, I don't remember playing or getting dirty much...I was too anxious to grow up.
I'm very thankful my children have taught me how to play and my divorce have showed me to be so happy now.
I also find perfection in so many moments in my day...I don't recognize myself sometimes...This is not the little girl who was so worried about the future that couldn't live the present...
Don't get me wrong, I have a plan. I think I just need one...I need to know where I'm going, and that I'll be doing great things with my life...But I am learning to enjoy the ride...
I have recently realized (everyone else already knew this) that I have a hard time relaxing for a "normal" period of time...I started a bath for the first time since I moved here (4 years ago), and opened my bath salts which didn't smell any more...That's when I realize that I had a problem...I layed in the hot water reading my English Composition book (I know...I can't help myself from being productive at all times), and eventually I got out. When I looked at the clock, it had only been 20 min...I was disappointed at myself for not being able to relax.
Having 7 years of school ahead it's a little overwhelming and stressful at times...I love being in school. I am an absolutely nerd...I love knowledge...I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to little silly details (ask my friends about all the useless information I provide daily)...
I get anxious about being in Law School and getting the kind of debate I crave so much but it's going to be a while until then...I need to "take a chill pill" and calm down...There are so many great things that happen everyday and will happen between now and then....
I have to stop listening to my "old me" asking..."ARE WE THERE YET?"
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Next 7 years, here we go...
Apparently I have an ulcer. I don't really have time for it right now.
I was bended all day because it hurt and it got terribly painful in the afternoon. I'm not used to being in pain or taking pills or anything so I was just ignoring it all day...
I went to the doctor and I was the most boring patient he had seen. No pills, no smoking, no alcohol, healthy as a horse.
Ectopic pregnancy was immediately ruled out (for obvious reason...unless the Holly Spirit visited me), Apedix is already gone....I explained my symptoms, he touched my belly and "bet his money" it was a duodenal ulcer (good thing he didn't say he bet my money, cause then it would not have been a strong diagnostic)...
My overproductive self also decided to get a Gardisil shot (for HPV and cervical cancer prevention)...Althought I'm starting to think that by the time I have sex the muscles will be atrophied due to lack of use...Being so so so busy does not allow as much time to think about sex (now it's only 90% of the time).
I think I am really good with stress...I definitely think I get a lot accomplished and my house is a lot cleaner all the time...I also sleep about 7 hours a night (10 to 5, I hate it)...But i haven't been eating well and I'm always "running"...
I'm a happier person because I'm "doing", and not just letting life drive by...I'm happy to be in school and my brain definitively yearns the knowledge...
Everybody has been incredibly supportive and encouraging. One person offered to watch the girls for a few hours if I ever needed. I just can't miss the next 7 years of their lives because "I'm working in our future". I'm just trying to do everything the days they are gone and when they are in bed...
I really wish I could be working part time, I definitely know everything is too much...but I can't do it any other way....I'm an overachiver anyways...
I better get used to it because this are the next 7 years of my life...at least.
I actually hope the garage can be fixed up as a studio appartment before I move to denver for law school and that between that and renting the house I can either not work or work part time (or maybe even at college)...Let's hope we all survive unharmed and succesfully.
OK, time to see if I can get more homework done.
I thought I'd let you know about my very interesting life...
Have an awesome weekend!!!
Cata.
I was bended all day because it hurt and it got terribly painful in the afternoon. I'm not used to being in pain or taking pills or anything so I was just ignoring it all day...
I went to the doctor and I was the most boring patient he had seen. No pills, no smoking, no alcohol, healthy as a horse.
Ectopic pregnancy was immediately ruled out (for obvious reason...unless the Holly Spirit visited me), Apedix is already gone....I explained my symptoms, he touched my belly and "bet his money" it was a duodenal ulcer (good thing he didn't say he bet my money, cause then it would not have been a strong diagnostic)...
My overproductive self also decided to get a Gardisil shot (for HPV and cervical cancer prevention)...Althought I'm starting to think that by the time I have sex the muscles will be atrophied due to lack of use...Being so so so busy does not allow as much time to think about sex (now it's only 90% of the time).
I think I am really good with stress...I definitely think I get a lot accomplished and my house is a lot cleaner all the time...I also sleep about 7 hours a night (10 to 5, I hate it)...But i haven't been eating well and I'm always "running"...
I'm a happier person because I'm "doing", and not just letting life drive by...I'm happy to be in school and my brain definitively yearns the knowledge...
Everybody has been incredibly supportive and encouraging. One person offered to watch the girls for a few hours if I ever needed. I just can't miss the next 7 years of their lives because "I'm working in our future". I'm just trying to do everything the days they are gone and when they are in bed...
I really wish I could be working part time, I definitely know everything is too much...but I can't do it any other way....I'm an overachiver anyways...
I better get used to it because this are the next 7 years of my life...at least.
I actually hope the garage can be fixed up as a studio appartment before I move to denver for law school and that between that and renting the house I can either not work or work part time (or maybe even at college)...Let's hope we all survive unharmed and succesfully.
OK, time to see if I can get more homework done.
I thought I'd let you know about my very interesting life...
Have an awesome weekend!!!
Cata.
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