American choices...

I hate the United States of America some days...There's like a gazillion choices every step you make....For example, traditional American breakfast: how do you want your eggs??? Potatoes??? Toast or Pancakes??? What meat??? Isn't that why there's a meal in the menu, things put together and you choose it???
It's really hard for someone like me that honestly doesn't care...I'm fine w pretty much anything, until I get the check...So, choose whatever you think waitress...And I can't say that because urban legend is that if I don't care they'll spit on my food...So maybe that's why I haven't gone out to eat in a hundred years...and maybe it's a budget issue too......
Even if you go to fast food..."fries or onion rigs" "salad or bread sticks"...It's irritation to people that couldn't care less...
For such unhappy people, there are way too many choices...I think if people had less options, they'd be happier...But that's just me
I didn't go to breakfast this morning...I made burnt and raw pancakes (I took pieces of each one for us to eat)...I was just trying to make reservations to my trip to Las Vegas...coming up (or not) in 2 weeks and felt very overwhelmed by options...
It's been a very eventful week (divorce, divorce party, friend moving close, drywalled and painted my room)....but I'm tired, so I'll tell you in my next post :)
Have an awesome week!!!

Crisis

A divorce it's not a crisis...My little baby turning 2 is...I've been in the verge of tears all day today...Crying to me it's a strenght...It shows you are not scared of being vulnerable, that you are confident enough to express your feelings...But I was at work, so I couldn't cry...
Last night, I made sure Olivia didn't drink anything before bed and I put new panties on her. I also put the potty next to her bed and explained to her she had to pee there if she woke up and wanted to pee.
She woke up dry and happy, asking for her sister (who had crawled into my bed in the middle of the night and I don't notice or I'm too tired and I keep sleeping)...And that's when it hit me...
Even though I've been potty training her for a few months...it kindda all hit together...Lack of sleep, my period (aka monthly reminder I haven't had sex for yet another month), and her 2nd birthday in 2 days...
By the time I got to work, I had to immediately go downstairs and see my friend Em for moral support....She advised me to have another baby, which is probably one of the worst advice I've ever gotten...I reminded her of the state of my wild sex life...
It's hard to see my baby...Maybe my last one...reaching her 2nd bday... Breastfeeding, co sleeping (that didn't last long anyways), carrying her around, feeding, diapers...She doesn't "need me"...
It's a little emotional (in the good way) when they reach those milestones...It's a little hard...letting go, letting them be more and more independent...But it would be harder if they couldn't reach those milestones...
My job as a parent is to make sure my kids are ready to "take care of themselves" by the time the leave home...That's huge!!!
As hard as I may try, I can't prepare them fully for the world ahead but I'm here to advice and be their company...
Throughout their childhood and teenage years they'll reach a lot of milestones...But the first 2 years are so condensed that the 2nd birthday marks the end of "baby" and beginning of toddler...
My wonderful, beautiful, loving, energetic Olivia...My little butterfly...I know there's just greatness in store for her...and I can't wait to see her grow up...With the constant challenges she'll offer...
OK, time to go to bed w Sean (my air conditioner)...
Good  Night!!!

Asbestos and dust....Debt, and the misterious future

Great! That's how life is for me right now...great!
I tore up a wall last night w a hammer I could barely lift...that's my stubbornness for you....My lungs are full of asbestos...
Today, my house is full of dust....and I'm still not done....Tomorrow, I still need to mud...I don't know when I'm going to clean and grocery shop....There's absolutely no food in my house...
My brother in law (or ex brother in law) came to help me today, to teach me how to drywall. So, while he finished I got us dinner...
Michael used to be so jealous for no reason (just because he's a control freak) about him...But now, he's really helped me with some stuff...and it's great...it was a great dinner...It's so relieving to have dinner w a guy you have no attraction to, you know they are not attracted to you, and you know nothing is going to happen...it takes so much pressure off...
We usually talk about relationships and sex (or lack there of), cultural differences....and life in general...It's great, simple...It's nice to have a guy friend, a guy's perspective, just a different unfiltered one...And a handy friend :)
One of the things that came up was that, I'm probably going to live here forever (unless I end up travelling abroad for my international career, but the US will probably be "base"). I know I'll eventually get married again, and chances are that it will be to an American...
Americans grow, live and breath on debt...and I will be debt free, in 6 years...I'm going to school on grants, as they might become available...
I'm not looking (or running away either) for a serious relationship.
When relationships first start, and for a while, finances are a separate but eventually, the more your relationship progresses, the more your put lives together.
Finances are such a big part of relationships, whether we like it or not. So I just wonder, will I ever find someone I can build a future with (in every sense)???
I know I don't need to think that far ahead, specially now that I am not interested in a relationship...I just over think...
Oh well, time for bed people...
Have an amazing, stress free sleep...

The room where all the magic doesn't happen is getting a makeover

I have eaten 4 (good kind, caramel, chocolate, etc) ice creams in the last 60 hours...I think I have a problem...I really need to slow the chocolate eating down...My skin hasn't had this much little pimples in a long time...
Today, I did demo of my bedroom wall w a hammer I could even lift...that's how strong my determination makes me...Good thing I was doing one of the small walls, and the one that has the door (equaling less surface)...There's a lot of dust : /
Tomorrow, I'm drywalling it and maybe I'll paint my room finally this week...The last room in the house to get painted into 2 tones of brown...The room where the magic  doesn't happen is getting a makeover...
I also want to see if I'll have enough money w my grants left over to fix up my garage as a studio apartment to rent it out...That would be so awesome!!!! Cross your fingers for me that everything works out...I'm scared that because of the whole Washington debt ceiling debate, I won't get my grants...plus, I'm registering next week (!!!) but I don't have the money yet...I need to start buying the book too...
OK, I'm going to read some and go to bed...This week I'm concentrating on reading the magazines around the house so I can throw them away :)
Good Night!

Exposure to Venereal Desease

I am waiting for my Argentinian friend to come eat quiche w me...It's 8:45 and I'm starving...usually I wouldn't mind, but I went to Zumba, so I'm hungry...I guess it's an Argentinian tradition to be late...
While I wait I decided to do sth productive. There are dishes in the sink and a pile of laundry on the recliner....However, I decided it was better use of my time to pick the dress I'll wear for my divorce party and write on my blog...
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my annual exam...
After work, I suddenly realized I needed to shave really bad...so I'm glad I had the time for it...or it would have been impossible to insert anything there (and not in the fun way).
So, I had a pap done (not very exciting "action") and I asked to get STD tested...I said "I haven't had sex since I got divorced and I had the tests done while I was pregnant but I want to have those current results"...The doctor more than gladly agreed.
When he came back with the order he told me "The Diagnosis says "exposure to Venereal Disease" so that the insurance will cover it"....(Do you know where I work???)...Since it was before 7 (time the Lab closes) I went across to the hospital and got the paperwork for my labs.
When the lab tech came, I let her know "I haven't been exposed to a Venereal Disease, I haven't been expose to sex AT ALL..." She thought it was funny...I just kept thinking of all the people around the hospital that would see it...
She takes out 4 tubes to be filled w my blood....I hate needles...I don't know how I got my tattoos done, and had 2 epidurals...I'm such a baby...I think this was the second time in my life I didn't have anybody to hold my hand while I don't look at the Lab tech drawing blood from me...
She gave me the good news that she was only going to poke me once..but every time she took a tube out and put another one in...I suffered...
After she was done, she left the folder in the bin...I asked if she was going to take it to the front...but "No, tomorrow"...yes, please..let's just delay the process and increase the exposure....
Anyways...next day...I told my department so that, is anyone saw it they knew how virginal I was...
I guess it changed my view...I used to think people getting those were truly.....a mess...And I'm clearly not (aside from mentally)...very humbling...
It's another day, Maria came, so I just saved it...and now I'm laying on my freshly mowed grass...Dory, my manual land mower...has gotten sharpened enough that, paired up w my hulk like strenght, can completely handle this yard in less than an hour...and leave time and energy to lay on it, enjoy it, listen to Sugarland and write....American dream, right???
OK friends...Thanks for reading about my extraordinarily ordinary life
Have a great weekend!!!

I'm a romantic but a love skeptical person

"It’s the best when the ordinary is extraordinary, I think. There’s this Italian renaissance way of being romantic: they call it ‘sprezzatura’. Which is where you try to be as romantic as possible – but through your ordinary life. There’s so much more magic in the ordinary. Life isn’t all, like, fireworks. Romantic things come from inside you.” Quote from Ames Brown(The Bachelorette)....
Who would have known there would be any brain activity involving The Bachelorette???
I think I like this phrase so much because I am such a romantic...I'm skeptical at love but I'll always be a romantic...A walking contradiction, that's me...Not complicated, amazingly complex...I like to think that, after the grand gestures fade...people try to make the effort in the simple things...every day...This phrase means a life of romance...Big dreams??? I don't think so...all about the little things...
"[My guru] says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it."
I copied this quote from my sister's facebook...It reminds you not to sit and wait for happiness to strike you, to go search for it, live it, think it...strive for it...
I challenge you to change your life and move closer to happiness...
I think...I know if I hadn't gotten divorced I wouldn't be this happy...I had a bit of an argument w my sister today about having a divorce party and that I shouldn't be celebrating that..."A little over the top"...I think I am just genuinely happy, and it's totally me to throw a divorce party...I'm not trying to get attention...I'm just celebrating being at peace, having balance, being happy...and divorcing Michael made all that happen...and it took a lot of soul searching, courage, and humility...but I got divorced and now I'm the happiest I have ever been...
I hope you find true happiness :) in the simple things

A dad for my children...No, thanks

Guy I met at the bar asked me what I was doing on the weekend and, after I responded I didn't know ans what did he have in mind, never answer back...
My theory is that he saw I had children and I thought he'd have to become a daddy overnight...Neither I want him to be the father of my children (they already have one, crappy, but there) nor I want to have a relationship w him...I met him at a bar...
I've started thinking this booty call thing is not going to happen...and re changing my mind set...Only due to my very little experience, I think the more you know the person the more you can let go, ask for what you want, feel comfortable about giving them what they want and, therefore, the better the sex is...so maybe I shall wait...I guess I don't really have a choice in the matter...I just make it sound like it...
Another thing, my therapist discharged me...She's tried it a few times...And I didn't think it'd be a good time because school will be added to my things to balance picture pretty soon...but she insisted. If she read this blog she'd change her mind...I think maybe all her patients are crazier than me (that's a lot a lot)....Oh well...Is not like I have problems expressing my feelings or acting on the issues i can fix, right??? Let's keep telling myself I'm ok and repeating the serenity prayer...
My soon to be project is drywalling one of the walls of my bedroom, so that I can paint it (is the only unpainted room), and so that I can put trim in the house...I just don't know where all this money will come from...but I'm sure I'll get it done :), just because you find the way of doing the things you really want to...
My grandparents have offered to pay me a trip to Argentina, since they are not coming due to the visa taking too long...I just don't know when I can take the time for that...
Mi niece was born today...I got to see her just for a little bit...what a miracle babies are...It's pretty amazing....I can't even describe it...